Thought For Food

(Dad)

Sharing meals was always one of our family’s greatest joys, and my mother was an exceptional cook. When she got Alzheimer’s, eating became a challenge. Things that were once taken for granted, —lifting a fork, chewing, swallowing— suddenly required patience, creativity, and care.

As they lose touch with reality, everyday habits may even become dangerous, warranting a ban from the kitchen. This was the case with my mother.

I came home from work one day, exhausted. I said, “Mom how are you today”? and she said, “Son you look so tired can I make you some coffee”? She was already having trouble remembering her world famous recipes which should have been a red flag, but because Alzheimer’s patients are okay sometimes, such signs are not always obvious. Several minutes later I could see smoke billowing from the kitchen. I rushed in there to see that she had taken a plastic container and filled it with coffee grounds, dish soap and water. Not wanting to scare her I calmly said, “Mom, what are you doing?” she said, “Son, I’m making you coffee”. I took her into the living room, sat her down and I remember thinking, this is probably it. Meaning, time to take away her cooking privileges.

Soon after that, I came home from work to another near disaster. My mom would always make the children french fried potatoes, they loved them. She was so excited because my son had asked her to make him some potatoes. As he sat watching TV and waiting, something told me to walk into the kitchen and check on her. I walked in to find her pouring Pine Sol into a flaming pot on the stove. I remember her saying, “I’m making fries for the baby”. All I could think to say was, I don’t think he wants any right now, and again I sat her down in the other room. That day I put an extra lock on the door leading into the kitchen so she wouldn’t go in there. Because she spent so much time in the kitchen her whole life, it took her awhile not to go into that room. She was quite upset for that but it was the right thing to do.

I remember thinking, you can’t bury your head in the sand, you have to face this and understand what’s happening to this person you love. It’s not the same person they were and they do not know what they’re doing or who they’re becoming. Only now it’s up to you, to make the major safety decisions, which can be difficult to make.

As they mentally revert to a toddler and later on to a baby their diet is going to change. As her disease progressed, her eating habits would change time and time again. At first, I would try to give mom familiar foods that she was accustomed to having. Foods from her past, as well as foods that she grew to love.

My mom was extremely lucky in that she was not diabetic so that even in old age she could always eat whatever she wanted. The issue was, because of the disease she didn’t always want to eat. We quickly figured out that she loved sweet food, and she loved Chinese takeout, so I would put sweet and sour sauce on all her food just to get her to eat. It was either that or ketchup. Nutrition is so important and we did our best to put variety in her diet, but there are times when diet can be compromised just for the sake of getting someone to eat. It didn’t matter what she ate, we needed to keep her fed.

Later on as the disease was taking over, she forgot how to swallow and we had to blend her food so she wouldn’t choke. We also had to be careful not to feed her too quickly. She was hungry and she wanted to eat faster. It was so satisfying for us to see her eat a full meal no matter how long it took us to feed her, and it would be time consuming sometimes. These simple efforts, of flavoring her food how she liked it, mashing it up so she could eat it, feeding it to her slowly, this enriched and prolonged her life.

This extra care was about more than simply feeding her body. It was about nourishing her spirit and showing her she was loved.